drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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