just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
