So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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