I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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