The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
