I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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