I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
