Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
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