i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
