i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
