Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Dicks are not precious.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
