This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
