Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
