I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
