My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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