she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
