just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
