The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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