I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
