just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
