Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
