booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
