you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
