my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
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