if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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