there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
