Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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