I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
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