why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
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