is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
