fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
