He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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