she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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