I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
