the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
