I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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