Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
they're like a gay fantastic four
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
