I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
