Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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