I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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