So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Randomize
