look no pants
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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