I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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