We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
