you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize