No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
