I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
