What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
