You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
