My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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