i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
