I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
