I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
