Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
