i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
