I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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