I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
