Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
We got so high we made milksteak
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
