it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
