I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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