I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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