can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
