margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
