You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
