I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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