Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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