update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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