i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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