i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
