I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
