Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
it hurts more in the daytime
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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