I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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