from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
