i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
