That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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