So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize