taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
